COME ON ENGLAND!

The England World Cup Squad
From Left to Right, Back: Jermaine Jenas, Jamie Carragher, Sol Campbell, Peter Crouch, Rio Ferdinand, John Terry, Michael Carrick, Stewart Downing. Middle: Theo Walcott, Gary Neville, Frank Lampard, David James, Paul Robinson, Scott Carson, Steven Gerrard, Wayne Bridge, Owen Hargreaves. Front: Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, David Beckham (c), Sven-Goran Eriksson (Head Coach), Michael Owen, Joe Cole, Aaron Lennon.

The England national football team represents England in international football competitions such as the World Cup and the European Championships. It is controlled by The Football Association, the governing body for football in England. England is one of the highest-ranking national teams in Europe and is currently enjoying a six game winning streak in the lead up to the 2006 FIFA World Cup in Germany. The modern version of football originated in England.

England is by far the most successful of the Home Nations, having won the 1966 World Cup and the British Home Championship thirty-four times, as many as the other three nations have won together.

1966 World Cup
Alf Ramsey's predicted that England would win, and the 1966 World Cup was England's finest moment. Captained by Bobby Moore, England's "Wingless Wonders" dispatched Argentina and then Portugal to set up a final with West Germany at Wembley. England won 4-2 after extra time, with three goals from Geoff Hurst and one from Martin Peters. The game created the famous English catchphrase "They think it's all over... it is now!", which were BBC commentator Kenneth Wolstenholme's words as Hurst scored his third goal in the 120th minute.

TEAM ENGLAND

How did they get to Germany: The hard way. Qualifying went down to the wire after surprise defeat to Northern Ireland, but they ended up topping the group. What was all the fuss about?

Qualifying star: Dutch defender Barry Opdam. His 37th minute goal against the Czech Republic did not just secure a win for Holland, it secured England's place at the finals.

Manager: Sven-Goran Eriksson. An urbane, Swedish sophisticate with an ice-cool footballing brain when he took the job on in January 2001. Times, and opinions, change.

Captain: David Beckham. Clothes horse, gay icon, pop-star husband... oh, and a multi-million pound galactico with a golden right-foot who likes nothing better than delivering on the biggest stage.

World Cup pedigree: Invariably qualify and invariably flatter to deceive. Their underachievement on the world stage is only "bettered" by Spain.

World Cup high: 1966 and all that.

World Cup low: The most recent effort - particularly with Turkey waiting in the last four. A goal up to Brazil in the quarter-finals, but Beckham & co failed to make that advantage tell even though they had 30 minutes against 10 men.

World Cup legend: Bobby Moore. The captain of England's 1966 triumph and a player who could glide through matches with ease due his extraordinary ability to read the game. Transferred those skills onto the silver screen as Terry Brady in 'Escape to Victory'.

Present star man: Wayne Rooney. Young and extravagantly gifted, but his Achilles heel is a suspect temperament. England's youngest-ever player when he made his debut aged 17.

Strengths: The undoubted quality coursing through the team.

Weaknesses: Despite the talent, the team all too often fails to gel and Eriksson faces a World Cup conundrum as to whether Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard can play in the same team.

Did you know? If Lampard was not a footballer he'd fancy his chances as a lawyer. The midfield maestro is the only member of the England squad who went to a private school.

Local view: "There's a good chance we'll have a good World Cup." Glenn Hoddle, former England manager.

Our verdict: It's now or never!

Come on England!

A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE by GRILLY JOHNSON

The governor's sneak sin has found him out, but what of the players?

In goal we have Basil Pronoun, a bi Spur on loan. Will the possibility that his goalkeeping might be porous ban nil scorelines?

At left back a Chelsea loy, or digger, used with kindly glee on farmland, park or Olympiastadion. At his peak, Rio (and friend) was likened to our shining son, but he turned out to be an embryo boob. What we need is a defender who can compel balls into Argentinian nets, hopefully without a Danish jobsworth to rule him out. Or one as classy as a Jaeger armchair. The vinegar yell as the lily avenger is obliged to pass to the red-vest ranger. Before Tom embarks on a twenty-four-hour Jerrython, we'll round up the rest of the midfield...

The team is captained by a dim chav, baked in the Spanish sun. He could drive the school Jeep across the park (sorry, Joe was too short). But the one we'd start on wing might scatter pork where he should have kept carrots. And, of course, there's always Villa's assured export.

Up front, there's the one with that whole iceman thing going on. No need to keep an eye on Norway - they didn't qualify.

For v. lanky creep, touch r. good.

Fame rejoined.

Note: We had hoped to bring you a Shaun Wright-Phillips anagram. There are literally hundreds of good ones. But, for some unfathomable reason, they're all completely filthy. Click here if you don't believe us.

SOME POINTS OF FOOTBALL TERMINOLOGY by GRILLY JOHNSON

Note that when discussing any action on the field of play, it is important to use the perfect tense. As, "What the lad's done is he's chipped the keeper, and if it's gone in the net, it's been a goal."

At midnight on 31 December 2000, defeats switched from being inflicted by the opposing team (as in English) to being to the opposing team.

The footballing verb "to substitute" continues to mean the opposite of the English verb "to substitute".